Murphy's Law

Everything about horses is a lesson in Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

My gelding, Cash, is my boy. He's 18, and he was my school horse. When the offer to buy him came up, I may have hesitated, but I've never regretted that decision.

Until this summer.

While we were waiting for the farrier, I had my horses tied to the trailer. I was around the other side of the trialer when suddenly, Cash freaks out, pulls back breaks his lead rope and flips over backwards. He got up and walked around sound and just fine. I didn't think anything of it, rode him once and he acted like a looney toon. I decided it would be best to just let him chill for a while until I could have a chiropractor adjust him.

I began riding him a couple times a week in September, nothing hard, we would just trot around for about 5 minutes, lope a couple circles each direction and call it good. But Cash was having a difficult time with this. I assumed he was out of shape and just focused on his top line (his back has gotten a little sway to it the older he's gotten and the longer he sits) and working at the trot. At the lope he tripped a little and didn't much like bringing that Left hind under him.

FINALLY! The day arrived where I could have the Dr. Cahill adjust him. She was standing above him, looking at his back when she suddenly asks "Has he broken his pelvis?"

I rapidly rolled through denial and she says "You sure?"

Well, obviously not at this point.

She offered to let me see was she was seeing so I jumped up on her stool and looked down. Cash's left glute was atrophied while his right side looked awesome. Whatever he had done, he did a number. She said if it was a fracture and it felt stable, but still.myou don't tell me something like that and expect me not to panic! My horses stayed at Cherry Valley Equestrian Center for 10 days with my friend Natalie because my truck broke down, so I went home that night and thought about how to bring it up to Andy. I told him the next morning and went to work, where the worry began growing. Google helped. I found an article that said 77% of horses are performance or reproduction sound after  a pelvic fracture heals. That was good, but not good enough. I messaged friends and asked their opinions and they all said take him to a vet. Mom said take him to a vet. I approached Andy with the idea. He looked at me and (in a nutshell) says "You've been worrying about this all day!? If it makes you feel better, of course take him to the vet?" So, I brought up that he was already 20 minutes from Wisconsin, how about hauling him to Wisconsin Equine? I felt like I was looking at a unicorn when he said "Fine." (Sorry babe, but you could have knocked me over with a feather!)

Fast forward to yesterday. After a terrible week, words do not describe how nervous I was. I stopped by CVEC to grab Cash and Natalie, my wonderful vet trip companion, and off we went! We saw Dr. Pigott, who is really nice and fantastic! He was astounded that Cash is 18. I wish I had recorded that conversation. It was pretty priceless. He did a lameness exam and while Cash tested positive for soreness in his left hock and stifle, I said that's the side he was positive on pre-injection this spring. Other that the muscle atrophy, he said he didn't look bad and he was impressed Dr. Cahill notices something like that. They decided to ultra sound his pelvic area and do a rectal exam (sorry, Cash). Rectal exam came back fine, nothing moving that wasn't suppose to! On the ultrasound, it looked like the tendon had pulled away from the ischium and there was a scar tissue build up along with bone fragments floating around. Dr. Pigott said as long as he's not resenting speed or turning the barrels, Cash will be fine to continue running! He suggested going left first to reduce the amount of pressure we put on that side of the pelvis and he also sent us home with Previcox and some Bute.

Considering I already sent my entries in for the Classic on both Cash and Koda, I am one HAPPY horse mom! Words don't describe how releived I am! Side note, I would HIGHLY recommend Wisconsin Equine Clinic. They're friendly and accommodating and their facility is AMAZING! So, a big thank you to them for taking such good car of my baby, thank you to Dr. Cahill for noticing something off about Cash's pelvis, thank you to my friends (Julie, Natalie and Katie) who listened to me whine, thank you to Natalie for taking care of my horses for 10 days, and a big thank you to Andy, for supporting me when it comes to the Cash Man! I couldn't have gone through this without you.

That's all for now! I'm off to ride my horses and spend sometime appreciating how luck I am to have them!

Horses: The Reason Why I'm Broke

I am a barrel racer.

Rephrase: I am a barrel racer when I'm not paying vet/farrier bills.

Correction: I am a barrel racer when I have extra money after paying credit card/cable bills/student loans/trailer payments and NOT begging Husband to pay for said vet/farrier bills.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

Two weeks ago, I took my broke barrel horse, Cash, to the vet for injections. It wasn't that bad, shockingly! But just when we have everything set and there are no more upcoming horse bills we have to pay for, my filly goes and does this:


Husband was pulling into the pasture with the truck and trailer so we could unload shaving I had purchased that day. The horses we by their stalls investigating what I was up to, so we didn't think anything of it. Rosie noticed the gate was open and decided that an adventure sounded like a FANTASTIC idea. Long story short, horse shoes DO NOT agree with pavement and she went sliding across our road. We thought it was just a road rash, so we left it along.

Two days later, she had a hematoma about the size of my fist... then it was the size of a grape fruit... then it was a basketball... and today, it looks like a black woman's ass. SHA-BAM! HUGE! *faceplam* She's walking on the toe of her hoof and trying VERY hard to not put weight on it. She's also being very sweet, a big indicator that something is wrong. The word "sweet" is not in Rosalene's vocabulary. Saucy is more like it.

Needless to say, we finally called the vet.

Moral of the story: Don't buy horses. And if you have to buy a horse, buy a gelding.


See? They're just so much sweeter.

10 Biggest Douche Bags in Country - Rewritten!

Today, as I was cruising through Facebook (as is pretty typical for me... What did I do before my iPhone!?) I came across this little gem:

The 10 Biggest Douche Bags in Country Music

I laughed. REALLY hard. Number 7 hurt my pride a little bit because I'm a HUGE Garth fan. Seriously. I was singing Friends in Low Places at 4 years old. But for the most part, I agreed with 95% of the list. Country music really stinks now a days. So, since I agreed with the list, I reposted it on my Facebook page. Not to any huge shocker, people disagreed with me. Very strongly disagreed with me. It ended with me saying "Lets rewrite the list!" I thought this was a genius idea (of course I did; it's my own idea!). So here is my rewritten list!

10. Luke Bryan
 
Sorry y'all, but Luke stays on the list. I'm not going to lie, I do enjoy a few of Luke's songs. "Drink a Beer" is probably one of my current favorites. I'll turn that shit up any day of the week. But "(Country Girl) Shake it For Me" will induce vomiting any day of the week. "Rain Is A Good Thing" will make me grind my teeth to bloody nubs. Why, you may be asking yourself?

"Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey

Whiskey makes my baby, feel a little frisky
Back roads are boggin' up, my buddies pile up in my truck
We hunt our hunnies down, we take 'em into town
Start washin' all our worries down the drain
Rain is a good thing"

Why would this make me want to punt babies you ask? Because he says wa-R-sh. NOTHING makes my blood boil more that someone putting an R where it doesn't belong. It's WASH. There is not damn R! Oh, and "That's My Kind of Night"? It's not country. It's friggin' techno with a "country" musician "singing". 

9. Toby Keith

I used to love Toby Keith's music. "Dream Walking" defined my childhood (not really, but it is on my Top 10 All Time Favorites) and I totally enjoy Toby Keith as a person. I mean, there is no other musicians that supports our military the way that Toby does, so major points for that. And he owns racehorses! So stinking cool! But that's about where the cool ends. First off, his straw hats seriously bother me. They go against everything country and cowboy that has been instilled in me thanks to George, Garth and Clint. A nicely shaped felt hat or even a good quality straw hat will win more than these $5 townie hats he wears. I'll stop ragging on his personal style and go after his music now. "Red Solo Cup." Seriously? Granted, this song did define a couple of road trips for me (I'm looking at you, Julie and Natalie) but that's were it ends. You really don't have to sing songs that only appeal to college students. I still listen to "Kiss Me Again" and "Lost You Anyway". Why? BECAUSE THEY MEAN SOMETHING! They're not a song about getting drunk or partying or trucks. They're about heartbreak and loving someone, which is something that anyone at any age can relate to. Yeah, even toddlers. Their goldfish dies and their heart breaks. See? Relateable.

8. Tim McGraw

 

Sorry, Mom. 

Oh, Tim... The other day, I saw a picture... Somewhere, I don't remember where. But it was of Tim and Faith disproving divorce rumors by dry humping on stage. That's enough to make it on my douche bag list. Way to be a role model, you two! *barf*

7. Love and Theft

I loved "Runaway". Really, I did. Buuuuut... their new song? Here's the lyrics:

You showed up at the party;
you wasn't gonna stay too long,
but that all changed up when your song came on.
Somebody handed you a cup -
so you went with the flow and you filled it on up.

You feel the buzz in your bones,
and then you started makin' the rounds.
You know all too well what's about to go down.
You say, "Hold up; I better go!"
Yeah, right, next thing that you know...

You look up and it's two in the morning.
You're still sippin' whatever they're pourin'.
You got your shades on,
you got your drink up;
like a VIP at the night club.

You kissed a girl and she told you her secrets.
She's so hot,
you still can't believe it's true.
It ain't over yet,
but it's gonna be a hard-to-remember night
that you'll never forget

.

Now your phone's filled with pictures
that you didn't take.
And that's you throwing deuces with what's-her-name.
And there's your boys right there,
tailgate poker table, all in on a pair.

Here come the country girls
that wanna dance all on ya,

wanna rock your world.
It was supposed to be a regular night,
(regular night)
but now you're like,
"To the left, to the left, to the right!"

You look up and it's three in the morning;
you're still sippin' whatever they're pourin'.
You got your shades on,
you got your drink up;
like a VIP at the night club.

You kissed a girl and she told you her secrets.
She's so hot,
you still can't believe it's true.
It ain't over yet,
but it's gonna be a hard-to-remember night
that you'll never forget.

To the left,
to the left,
to the left,
to the right!

You look up, and it's four in the morning;
you're still sippin' whatever they're pourin'.
You got your shades on,
you got your drink up.
Here's to the nights that memories are made of!

You kissed a girl, and she told you her secrets.
She's so hot,
you still can't believe it's true.
It ain't over yet,
but it's gonna be a hard-to-remember night
that you'll never forget.

To the left,
to the left,
to the left,
to the right!

To the left,
to the left,
to the left,
to the right!

I took the liberty of highlighting my problem areas. What's the first rule they tell you your freshman year of college? DON'T ACCEPT A DRINK FROM ANYONE THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE THEM POUR! Hello, ruffies! "Feeling a buzz down to your bones." Yup, just promoting getting drunk, just like EVERY OTHER COUNTRY SONG. You're so original. And we're back to drinking drinks that others are pouring for you... You go, Glen Coco.

Drinking like a VIP at "the club." Wait, wait, wait... when did we shift from country to hip hop? 

Describing a girl as "hot." CLASSY. There are SO many other adjectives in the English language you could have used to describe a woman's beauty. Nope, let's just use hot. (I find the adjective hot to be derogatory. Not sure why). Can we PLEASE sit down and have a conversation with Tom Hiddleston about how to treat a woman?! You've even forgotten her name! You guys FAIL.

(You're welcome) 

6. Blake Shelton 

Sorry, guys. I had to do it. I adore Blake as a person. He was the entire reason I watched the Voice and I love his voice... but his song choices... Sigh... I miss mullet Blake Shelton. "Austin" will always be a favorite. "My Baby" was the song my husband choice as the mother/son dance song... Until I suggested "Simple Man". Oops. And then come "Hillbilly Bone" and "Boys 'Round Here". This just stereotypes country folks. Again, sorry guys. I will admit Blake isn't the worst offender and really shouldn't be at Number 6 on my list.

5. Taylor Swift

"He broke my heart, so I'm singing this song about him" is pretty much all the Taylor Swift songs out there. Maturity level: Nonexistent. Taylor... have you even thought that maybe the guys aren't the problem...?

4. The Swon Brothers

I didn't like them on the Voice and I still don't like them. That might just be me. And lets me real here. They use the term "moving, shaking, grooving" in their song "Later On". That's a big, fat NOPE in my book.

3. Kenny Chesney

I'm just going to directly quote the orginal article here because I 100% agree with the way he said it. 

"Hairless and Napoleonic, with a big voice and hat to match, K-Chez has a seemingly limitless supply of muscle-t's and songs about sand. The list of his 'baggy attributes is long, but they're niftily distilled in the video for "Come Over," where this Jimmy Buffett wannabe cements his status as the Puffy Combs of country."

I also enjoy what my husband says: "His songs are either about football or beaches. It's like he's trying to either relive his glory days or be somewhere else." 

2. Florida Georgia Line

Good Lord, do I despise these two. All their songs are the new partying garbage that gets all the air time on the radio. And I'm going to refer to the lyrics in their hit "Cruise" here for a minute. "In this brand new Chevy with a lift kit" Sorry about your penis, bro. 

1.5 Jason Aldean

Yeah, I said it. 

In my mind, he's the epitome of the word "douche." Again, the palm leaf hat (we sell them at the store I work at; I want to burn them). You can afford a nice hat. Get one. And who in their right mind wears a palm leaf hat with a SUIT! God, get a clue. No one wants to see your chest hair. *barf* And he really doesn't have much talent to speak of. Relentless was probably his only good song. Oh, and he's a cheater. SUCH a great role model for his younger fans. 

1. Carrie Underwood

She's against rodeo (her biggest target demographic).
She's a spokesperson for PETA. (She grew up on a cattle farm in Oklahoma...)

She's said in an interview she doesn't know how to cook a steak because she's vegan. (Again, she grew up on a cattle farm in Oklahoma...) 

She was on American Idol... Her music is really more techno than anything... I'm pretty much over Carrie Underwood. I think she's the biggest hypocrite in country music, therefore she gets the number one spot on my douche bag list.

And now time for the Honorable Mentions: 

• Sugarland (seriously. Can they not come out with a song that isn't annoying? *see, Stuck Like Glue*)
• Brantley Gilbert (Two words: Bottoms Up)
• Dierks Bentley (Drunk On a Plane. Really?! Were you out of ideas for other places to get drunk at?!)
• Rascal Flatts (Over aged boy band)
• Jerrod Neimann (Drink to the All Night. Just another douche drinking song.

What Its Really Like to be a Parent (From my perspective)

I'm 24 years old, married and a mother.

It seems like a lot in a short life span, doesn't it? Things progressed pretty quickly for Andy and I, and that's OK. It's not really the point of this post, but it's my round about way of getting to the point. We were together 8 months before he asked me to marry him. And it wasn't really phrased that way, it was more like "Will you marry me and shit." My man sure is a romantic. Anyways, 2 years later we were married and a month after being married, I was pregnant. Throughout the pregnancy, people were telling us how hard it was and how we were in for a rude awakening and such, but really... Sam (our son) is pretty fantastic. He makes our lives easy, hardly ever fusses, when he's asleep the kid is ASLEEP. Nothing wakes him, not even our 70lbs Aussie who has the biggest, booming bark I've ever heard. The vacuum doesn't bother him, me singing off key and super loudly to Cross Canadian Ragweed and Garth Brooks doesn't bother him (and that's probably more annoying that Ruger) doesn't even wake him up. It might KEEP him awake, but that's another blog post about how I can't sing.

The only thing that we've come across that is awful is that we've essentially become slaves. For example... (These are funnier if you read them in the voice of an outraged Brit.)

"Slave! Get this animal away from me! She stinks and she is trying to eat my blankie!"

"Leave me be, slave! I wish to have alone time with Grammie!"

"Oh, your dinner arrived? Too bad! Feed me, slave!!!"

"Slave, rub my feet on this chunk of marble! I wish to have good luck!"
(For those of you who don't know, this is in the Capitol building in DC. It's the geographical center of DC and its good luck to rub your foot on this chunk of marble)

"Slave, I do believe I just left you a present in my pantaloons! Change it! Muhahahaha!!!"

"No more pictures, Slave! I grow wary of you posting me to the Book of Faces!"

"Just kidding, here is my duck face! Post it, Slave!"

"I am not amused by your shenanigans, Slave."

You get the idea. 

But at the end of the day, being a parent is only as difficult as you make it. I'm sure it will change once the Slave Driver is more mobile, but we'll just the hurdle when it throws it's self in our path! Until then...

"Move the toys, Slave! I wish to be entertained!!"